A Tattoo for my Pooh Bear..

Beth Howard / Candy Gore

My foot with Charli's name

Both of our feet with Charli's name

Candy Gore/ Beth Howard

Charli R. Gore

Name and dragonfly on left foot

 August 5, 2011 Myself and one of Charli's best friends decided to go and get a tattoo for her. The idea was that when we took each step forward so would she. We got the tattoos both on our left foot. I loved that Ideal because I would know that she was always there with every step I took , she would also take that step. Yes not in human form, but she would always be there in spirit with us.. I know with the tattoo that I would live by a different drummer now, not the one that I always dreamed of but one that I know she wanted to live by. No I wouldn't live her life for her, but I would live mine in a way Charli would want me to live to the best of my ability. I would do things now that I knew she would had wanted for me to do, some things I think I would never do because I am to scared too, But now I will do because I know that I will get through any thing with her in my heart and by my side every step I take.  We both deiced to make our tattoos our own, to add to them what we wanted later on.  Which I have done now, as of Sept.23,2011. I have added a dragonfly to mine. I went with another of Charli's best friends and we both got it for her. Mine is on my foot and Caitlin got hers on the left leg. Charli Loved so many animals but the one that amazed her the most was the dragonfly. I even have a picture of her holding a dragonfly on her finger. It is one of my favorite pictures of her. Every time I look at my tattoo I see her, and at first that was the hardest thing in the world to do was to see a picture of Charli. I would only cry and I couldn't make the tears stop. Now I still cry for the most part, but I know that she is in a way better place now. I know that she is always watching over me and the whole family, just by the things that happens around here.  Charli was the greatest person I ever knew, she was smart beautiful and so loving.  Now she is the most awesome Angel God ever asked for... I don't understand why he wanted her so young but I do know that he made the greatest choice in asking her to come home.... I still struggle with her death so much and I am hoping that writing in this blog will help me see my way through.  I still don't understand how a person can hit another person with a vehicle and just leave them there to die, cold and all alone. ( But I guess that's just the Mother in me) Charli is not the first child I have given back to God. 14 years ago I gave him my 2 month 28 day old Baby Kera Renea . She died from SIDS also known as crib death. Back then I thought that was going to be the hardest thing I would ever go through,to bury an infant. I didn't understand how God could take her from me then. I just can not see why he would do that to me, why I could only have her just a few months with her and to only love her just a little while. As the years went by I learned every thing I could about SIDS and started to understand that some babies are born with nerves in the brain that don't work like they should. She was one of them. But with Charli's death I will never understand how someone could do this to her. How they could just leave the scene and act like nothing ever happen. Act like they never left the roadway to hit her because(What) his girl friend was made at Charli........ Just does not make sense to me and it never will. I really don't understand how local law enforcement can come and sit in my house and say it was just an Accident. that just because he was drunk and left the roadway at the exact place where she was standing is an ACCIDENT............. I can't wait to sit eye to eye with the persons that killed her. I want them to understand what they took from my family...  That they stole her from us way too soon. How precious of a life they KILLED that day......  I know I got off of the subject I started on, but I needed to rant for a few.... I have dealt with many hard aches in my life, but I never thought I would bury two of my four children..I always thought they would bury me first, when I was old and feeble. I have always hoped that they would grow old and have wonderful lives, married with kids of their own. "To give them the hell that they give me." To know how lovely it was to be a parent, to know the hardship of it too. Charli would had been a wonderful mother. She was already a mother hen type with the other kids. She even baby set for many neighbors, kids just loved her.. She was an awesome person, so great to be around.. That is why I so needed her with me, to make me a better person. She could understand every thing I was going through and knew just what to say to me. She was my BEST FRIEND...





     I love and MISS you so much Charli Rae... You are gone from this world but never gone from my mind..

                                                                                With all my love, Your CRAZY LADY

An Angel In Heaven Now

http://www.click2houston.com/news/27569826/detail.html

 April was to be a good Month for us I thought, Had a few birthdays to celebrate, Husband's brother n laws then mine. Got through Hubby's and Brother n laws now it's just mine. I was happy to celebrate my next birthday. I was turning 34 this year, Had made it 3 years now since my cancer. I was so looking forward to making many more years. Then the worse thing I could ever imagined happen to my family. My oldest Daughter was MURDERED one week before my birthday.  She was only 15 years old, she had the whole world ahead of her. She didn't deserve what happen to her. I can't write in full detail what all happen because we haven't even went to trial yet, But I wanted a way to release some of the anger I feel. A few friends told me to start blogging. To let it all out, to say what was on my mind and maybe it would help me understand what I was feeling. So this is my very first blog ever. As time goes on I will have more on her case. I just wanted to get it out there for now. To say what I needed to say,  We are waiting on the local law enforcement to get finished with her case to go to Grand Jury. It has been 5 months since her Death and my family is not taking it very well. We all deal with it in our own matter and we accuse each other for her Death. I know it's not right but that's how we have dealt with it so far.  We are working with therapist and other people to help my family through this. And it will take a long time to get through it. Not looking to forget it any time soon. I had so many dreams for my child and she had her own. I just wanted to see her live the best life she could. She had a smile that would light up the world, A heart that would melt even the coldest of hearts. The biggest blue eyes that would just pierce right through you.  She had a heart of gold, never knew a stranger. She would not stand for a bully, every one was a friend to her. She loved to have many animals and wanted to become a vet when she got older. She had medium long brown hair that was always beautiful, even if it wasn't brushed. She was so wise for her years. She had a great head on her shoulders. Knew what she wanted in life and was not scared to do any thing it took to get her there. She had her faults, but that was her, she knew how to take her faults and make them better. She was just the greatest person to be around. Always had a smile on her face and if you was in a bad mood she was going to make it better. She had a style of her own, she didn't have to have the finer things in life to make her happy. She could just make the world better no matter how yours was going . She was the biggest daddy's girl I have ever seen. She had him wrapped around her little finger, and was going to hold on forever. that's just how my child was, now I will never get to see that smiling face again nor will I get to see her grow up and become a wonderful woman, strong and wise and many animals. I will never get to hear her voice to call me the crazy lady..........