Update on Charli's Case

Update on my Child's Case ( Charli Rae Gore)

Inditement Charges as followed: Assault with Deadly Weapon/ Reckless Endangerment
2nd degree Felony. Min of 20 yrs
Failure to stop and render aide
3rd Degree felony. 10 yrs 
This is what the grand jury handed down. Still do not know when we will go to trial yet it could be 2 yrs or more.. It's not the Charges I wanted but I can live with them for now...

 

I went by you grave today, to make sure every thing was right with it and to see your picture finally on there.

I haven't been there in over a month now. It gets harder every time I go out there because it's finally hitting me that you are really gone. I can't see you smiling face and I can't her your voice.. I sat there looking at the ground and trying to figure out how I could bring you back to me. I still don't know all of what happen that night and I may never find out the whole truth.. I just know I want you home with me and I can't bring you back... I can't get over the reason you was murdered.. I will never let that go, I know I am to forgive him but I will never forget... It haunts me every day the feelings I have and the hate for the persons that took you from me... I feel like I am losing every thing that ever mattered to me.... I feel like I am losing my mind every day, I can't help myself .... I am losing my faith that the law enforcement will get your case ready to even go to trial.. I love and miss you so much baby girl.. Keep looking down on your family we need you more every day...... Your Crazy Lady Aka MOM

Letters to Charli

I sit and wonder how your day would be going, how many people you may  have touched today. I think that you would have been an awesome person when you had gotten older. The way you loved and the things you did just to make me smile. The many people that you didn’t even know how you would just sit and talk to them because no one else would. You had the biggest heart I even seen. The smile on your face would light the world for me. You were my best friend, I could tell you anything and you would not judge me. I can’t believe that you are gone now, that I cannot hear your voice, can’t listen to how hard of a day you had. My world is upside down now; I don’t know how to deal with everything that has happen. I worry that I will never get to see you again, cause of the things I think about, the things I want to do to the persons that took you from me. I know that you are in a much better place right now and you’re not hurting any more but I just want you here with me again to call me the crazy lady one more time. I wish heaven had a phone to call you when I am having a bad day or just to hear you say I LOVE YOU. Your there and I am here and it's not fair, you would had made the greatest person in the world. The way you cared for every animal that came a crossed your path, you had a heart of gold. I just can't seem to get past the way you were taken from me. You did not deserve that. You were such a beautiful child, loving in every way. Yes you had your faults, but I would have not changed a thing about you. It was your way and that's what I loved about you. You didn't need the finest things and have all the money in the world to make you happy. You took life and made it your own. I really miss you right now so much, three years ago you was there for me when I thought I was going to die. I remember the day I told you I have cervical cancer and the look on your face when you told me “WE" would get through this, how you held my hand and asked God to comfort me and take the cancer away. You we're always so wise for only being a child. You knew the right thing to say when I needed it the most. Most times I thought you should have been the Mother and I the child. The way you would take care of things when I had no idea how to do it. I am sorry I couldn’t be there when you needed me the most. That is the hardest thing for me right now. I feel like I let you down in so many ways. I didn't hold your hand Hard enough; I didn't guide you when you needed it the most. I fell short, I did not protect you, and I should have done a better job at being your Mother. It should have been me and not you that was taken that night. Your life meant more than mine. It just shouldn’t been you that night. I am sorry that I let you down. I feel like the pain will never go away, but for the most part I don't want it too, I want it to hurt forever to remind me how I didn't keep you safe. To keep me on my toes for the rest of my life, I just wanted to see what you we're meant to be. To be all you could be in life and to make a difference in this world. All I can think now is how I won’t be able to see you married or meet my grand babies, or meet the person you fall in love with. I wont be able to see the growth of your life. So many things I won’t be able to do with you. I think that for some reason God needed you more some days than I do, but being my selfish person I am, I just want you here. I just can't get it in my head I will never see you again, never hear your beautiful voice or see that smile that would make my bad day go away. You were my Child and always will be. It just hurts to know what all I will miss with you. I just need you to know that I did LOVE you with all my heart, my soul with all my being. I know that I had a funny way of showing it sometimes, but I really did. I should had given you more hugs and kissed you more and I should had said I LOVE YOU every chance I got, cause now I can't do that. I know you’re up in Heaven right now looking down on me and saying to Suck IT Up and get it together for the kids, because I need to be there for them too. I am trying to really I am. I just need a little more help!!!! I love and will always miss you. I will get through this I know I will, because you are in my heart and always on my mind

With All My Love, Your CRAZY LADY AKA Mom




The last few months have been the hardest I have ever had to deal with, I sit and wonder why it had to be you. Why my beautiful blue eyed baby girl, My look alike, my heart, soul, my baby, that asshole took. Why couldn't it have been some one Else's baby.  I will never have peace about this, I will always wonder why. I loved you from the start from the moment I knew I was with child. All I ever wanted to be was your mom, to have you and raise you to be the best person you could be. You life was cut so short and taken from you way too soon.  I cry every day for you, I just want you back. I need you back.  There is a whole in my heart that he took from me when he took you life away. I know that we had our problems but I wouldn't have changed a thing. We are who we are and that is why I loved you so much. You didn't take shit from any one and you didn't let any one give you shit either. You would had been a wonderful person, so loving and caring to every one. That is how you were. I sit and wonder how you would be today. Getting ready to go to 11th grade and seeing all your friends. Hanging out with most of them this summer and driving me crazy cause I wasnt getting every thing done fast enough for you. I miss you so bad, it feels like my heart was riped out of my chest on that day and it hasn't been giving back to me yet. Your smile would light up the room when you was happy and I loved to see that. I will never get to see it again and I think that is what hurts the worse. When I needed a friend ,some one to talk to you was always there for me. As I sit and write this to you, I just flow with tears, I can't make them stop and I know that you wouldn't want me to cry for you like this, but I just can't stop it from happening. It have been almost three months since you left us now, and I dont think it will ever get any earier for me. Your Dad is still trying to make every one think he is strong but I see the night he stays up all night and just crys. He thinks I am sleeping, but I am not. I am there crying too. Life just is not the same now. I guess it never will be the same. I know your looking down on us and saying why so sad for me now, Because we know your in a better place, but its just not fair. I do promise you one thing I will not stop till I get JUSTICE for you. If it takes me till my dieing breath I will get it.I dont make too many promises Because  I know I can't keep them, but this one I will. I know that you are up there in heaven taking very good care of your little sister Kera Renea. Tell her I said hello and I love you both so very much..... Kiss her for me and always love her.God saw fit to take two of my babies for himself to be angels. Its so hard to live here and not miss every moment with ya'll. to watch ya'll grow every day, but I know one day I will get to see you again. Untill that day I will grieve for the both of you and always have you close to my heart. I love and miss you Pooh Bear with all of my heart..... Your Crazy Lady (MOM)






16 yrs ago @ 6:12 am I had the most beautiful baby girl ever.. Bald head but the most beautiful Blue eyes I have ever seen. She had all ten fingers and toes. she would play peek a boo with you from the start. She was perfect in every way. As yrs went by she grew into the prettiest almost grown woman. Yes she was only 15 but she had the whole world in her hands waiting to see what she could had become. Her life was taken only 2 months ago cut short... Not to get what she wanted from life.... She is now in heaven with her lil sister Kera. She is in Gods hands now. Happy Birthday Charli Rae Gore I will always love and cherish every minute God let us have. I struggle every day your not here. I know that God had a good reason why he took you home, but why did he have to take you so soon. You will always be in my heart for you was my first child. My look a like.....  I love you so very much......


 These are just a few letters I have written to Charli since her Death. Just thoughts I was feeling and needed to say to her.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I have writing them....

A Tattoo for my Pooh Bear..

Beth Howard / Candy Gore

My foot with Charli's name

Both of our feet with Charli's name

Candy Gore/ Beth Howard

Charli R. Gore

Name and dragonfly on left foot

 August 5, 2011 Myself and one of Charli's best friends decided to go and get a tattoo for her. The idea was that when we took each step forward so would she. We got the tattoos both on our left foot. I loved that Ideal because I would know that she was always there with every step I took , she would also take that step. Yes not in human form, but she would always be there in spirit with us.. I know with the tattoo that I would live by a different drummer now, not the one that I always dreamed of but one that I know she wanted to live by. No I wouldn't live her life for her, but I would live mine in a way Charli would want me to live to the best of my ability. I would do things now that I knew she would had wanted for me to do, some things I think I would never do because I am to scared too, But now I will do because I know that I will get through any thing with her in my heart and by my side every step I take.  We both deiced to make our tattoos our own, to add to them what we wanted later on.  Which I have done now, as of Sept.23,2011. I have added a dragonfly to mine. I went with another of Charli's best friends and we both got it for her. Mine is on my foot and Caitlin got hers on the left leg. Charli Loved so many animals but the one that amazed her the most was the dragonfly. I even have a picture of her holding a dragonfly on her finger. It is one of my favorite pictures of her. Every time I look at my tattoo I see her, and at first that was the hardest thing in the world to do was to see a picture of Charli. I would only cry and I couldn't make the tears stop. Now I still cry for the most part, but I know that she is in a way better place now. I know that she is always watching over me and the whole family, just by the things that happens around here.  Charli was the greatest person I ever knew, she was smart beautiful and so loving.  Now she is the most awesome Angel God ever asked for... I don't understand why he wanted her so young but I do know that he made the greatest choice in asking her to come home.... I still struggle with her death so much and I am hoping that writing in this blog will help me see my way through.  I still don't understand how a person can hit another person with a vehicle and just leave them there to die, cold and all alone. ( But I guess that's just the Mother in me) Charli is not the first child I have given back to God. 14 years ago I gave him my 2 month 28 day old Baby Kera Renea . She died from SIDS also known as crib death. Back then I thought that was going to be the hardest thing I would ever go through,to bury an infant. I didn't understand how God could take her from me then. I just can not see why he would do that to me, why I could only have her just a few months with her and to only love her just a little while. As the years went by I learned every thing I could about SIDS and started to understand that some babies are born with nerves in the brain that don't work like they should. She was one of them. But with Charli's death I will never understand how someone could do this to her. How they could just leave the scene and act like nothing ever happen. Act like they never left the roadway to hit her because(What) his girl friend was made at Charli........ Just does not make sense to me and it never will. I really don't understand how local law enforcement can come and sit in my house and say it was just an Accident. that just because he was drunk and left the roadway at the exact place where she was standing is an ACCIDENT............. I can't wait to sit eye to eye with the persons that killed her. I want them to understand what they took from my family...  That they stole her from us way too soon. How precious of a life they KILLED that day......  I know I got off of the subject I started on, but I needed to rant for a few.... I have dealt with many hard aches in my life, but I never thought I would bury two of my four children..I always thought they would bury me first, when I was old and feeble. I have always hoped that they would grow old and have wonderful lives, married with kids of their own. "To give them the hell that they give me." To know how lovely it was to be a parent, to know the hardship of it too. Charli would had been a wonderful mother. She was already a mother hen type with the other kids. She even baby set for many neighbors, kids just loved her.. She was an awesome person, so great to be around.. That is why I so needed her with me, to make me a better person. She could understand every thing I was going through and knew just what to say to me. She was my BEST FRIEND...





     I love and MISS you so much Charli Rae... You are gone from this world but never gone from my mind..

                                                                                With all my love, Your CRAZY LADY

An Angel In Heaven Now

http://www.click2houston.com/news/27569826/detail.html

 April was to be a good Month for us I thought, Had a few birthdays to celebrate, Husband's brother n laws then mine. Got through Hubby's and Brother n laws now it's just mine. I was happy to celebrate my next birthday. I was turning 34 this year, Had made it 3 years now since my cancer. I was so looking forward to making many more years. Then the worse thing I could ever imagined happen to my family. My oldest Daughter was MURDERED one week before my birthday.  She was only 15 years old, she had the whole world ahead of her. She didn't deserve what happen to her. I can't write in full detail what all happen because we haven't even went to trial yet, But I wanted a way to release some of the anger I feel. A few friends told me to start blogging. To let it all out, to say what was on my mind and maybe it would help me understand what I was feeling. So this is my very first blog ever. As time goes on I will have more on her case. I just wanted to get it out there for now. To say what I needed to say,  We are waiting on the local law enforcement to get finished with her case to go to Grand Jury. It has been 5 months since her Death and my family is not taking it very well. We all deal with it in our own matter and we accuse each other for her Death. I know it's not right but that's how we have dealt with it so far.  We are working with therapist and other people to help my family through this. And it will take a long time to get through it. Not looking to forget it any time soon. I had so many dreams for my child and she had her own. I just wanted to see her live the best life she could. She had a smile that would light up the world, A heart that would melt even the coldest of hearts. The biggest blue eyes that would just pierce right through you.  She had a heart of gold, never knew a stranger. She would not stand for a bully, every one was a friend to her. She loved to have many animals and wanted to become a vet when she got older. She had medium long brown hair that was always beautiful, even if it wasn't brushed. She was so wise for her years. She had a great head on her shoulders. Knew what she wanted in life and was not scared to do any thing it took to get her there. She had her faults, but that was her, she knew how to take her faults and make them better. She was just the greatest person to be around. Always had a smile on her face and if you was in a bad mood she was going to make it better. She had a style of her own, she didn't have to have the finer things in life to make her happy. She could just make the world better no matter how yours was going . She was the biggest daddy's girl I have ever seen. She had him wrapped around her little finger, and was going to hold on forever. that's just how my child was, now I will never get to see that smiling face again nor will I get to see her grow up and become a wonderful woman, strong and wise and many animals. I will never get to hear her voice to call me the crazy lady..........