Letters to Charli

I sit and wonder how your day would be going, how many people you may  have touched today. I think that you would have been an awesome person when you had gotten older. The way you loved and the things you did just to make me smile. The many people that you didn’t even know how you would just sit and talk to them because no one else would. You had the biggest heart I even seen. The smile on your face would light the world for me. You were my best friend, I could tell you anything and you would not judge me. I can’t believe that you are gone now, that I cannot hear your voice, can’t listen to how hard of a day you had. My world is upside down now; I don’t know how to deal with everything that has happen. I worry that I will never get to see you again, cause of the things I think about, the things I want to do to the persons that took you from me. I know that you are in a much better place right now and you’re not hurting any more but I just want you here with me again to call me the crazy lady one more time. I wish heaven had a phone to call you when I am having a bad day or just to hear you say I LOVE YOU. Your there and I am here and it's not fair, you would had made the greatest person in the world. The way you cared for every animal that came a crossed your path, you had a heart of gold. I just can't seem to get past the way you were taken from me. You did not deserve that. You were such a beautiful child, loving in every way. Yes you had your faults, but I would have not changed a thing about you. It was your way and that's what I loved about you. You didn't need the finest things and have all the money in the world to make you happy. You took life and made it your own. I really miss you right now so much, three years ago you was there for me when I thought I was going to die. I remember the day I told you I have cervical cancer and the look on your face when you told me “WE" would get through this, how you held my hand and asked God to comfort me and take the cancer away. You we're always so wise for only being a child. You knew the right thing to say when I needed it the most. Most times I thought you should have been the Mother and I the child. The way you would take care of things when I had no idea how to do it. I am sorry I couldn’t be there when you needed me the most. That is the hardest thing for me right now. I feel like I let you down in so many ways. I didn't hold your hand Hard enough; I didn't guide you when you needed it the most. I fell short, I did not protect you, and I should have done a better job at being your Mother. It should have been me and not you that was taken that night. Your life meant more than mine. It just shouldn’t been you that night. I am sorry that I let you down. I feel like the pain will never go away, but for the most part I don't want it too, I want it to hurt forever to remind me how I didn't keep you safe. To keep me on my toes for the rest of my life, I just wanted to see what you we're meant to be. To be all you could be in life and to make a difference in this world. All I can think now is how I won’t be able to see you married or meet my grand babies, or meet the person you fall in love with. I wont be able to see the growth of your life. So many things I won’t be able to do with you. I think that for some reason God needed you more some days than I do, but being my selfish person I am, I just want you here. I just can't get it in my head I will never see you again, never hear your beautiful voice or see that smile that would make my bad day go away. You were my Child and always will be. It just hurts to know what all I will miss with you. I just need you to know that I did LOVE you with all my heart, my soul with all my being. I know that I had a funny way of showing it sometimes, but I really did. I should had given you more hugs and kissed you more and I should had said I LOVE YOU every chance I got, cause now I can't do that. I know you’re up in Heaven right now looking down on me and saying to Suck IT Up and get it together for the kids, because I need to be there for them too. I am trying to really I am. I just need a little more help!!!! I love and will always miss you. I will get through this I know I will, because you are in my heart and always on my mind

With All My Love, Your CRAZY LADY AKA Mom




The last few months have been the hardest I have ever had to deal with, I sit and wonder why it had to be you. Why my beautiful blue eyed baby girl, My look alike, my heart, soul, my baby, that asshole took. Why couldn't it have been some one Else's baby.  I will never have peace about this, I will always wonder why. I loved you from the start from the moment I knew I was with child. All I ever wanted to be was your mom, to have you and raise you to be the best person you could be. You life was cut so short and taken from you way too soon.  I cry every day for you, I just want you back. I need you back.  There is a whole in my heart that he took from me when he took you life away. I know that we had our problems but I wouldn't have changed a thing. We are who we are and that is why I loved you so much. You didn't take shit from any one and you didn't let any one give you shit either. You would had been a wonderful person, so loving and caring to every one. That is how you were. I sit and wonder how you would be today. Getting ready to go to 11th grade and seeing all your friends. Hanging out with most of them this summer and driving me crazy cause I wasnt getting every thing done fast enough for you. I miss you so bad, it feels like my heart was riped out of my chest on that day and it hasn't been giving back to me yet. Your smile would light up the room when you was happy and I loved to see that. I will never get to see it again and I think that is what hurts the worse. When I needed a friend ,some one to talk to you was always there for me. As I sit and write this to you, I just flow with tears, I can't make them stop and I know that you wouldn't want me to cry for you like this, but I just can't stop it from happening. It have been almost three months since you left us now, and I dont think it will ever get any earier for me. Your Dad is still trying to make every one think he is strong but I see the night he stays up all night and just crys. He thinks I am sleeping, but I am not. I am there crying too. Life just is not the same now. I guess it never will be the same. I know your looking down on us and saying why so sad for me now, Because we know your in a better place, but its just not fair. I do promise you one thing I will not stop till I get JUSTICE for you. If it takes me till my dieing breath I will get it.I dont make too many promises Because  I know I can't keep them, but this one I will. I know that you are up there in heaven taking very good care of your little sister Kera Renea. Tell her I said hello and I love you both so very much..... Kiss her for me and always love her.God saw fit to take two of my babies for himself to be angels. Its so hard to live here and not miss every moment with ya'll. to watch ya'll grow every day, but I know one day I will get to see you again. Untill that day I will grieve for the both of you and always have you close to my heart. I love and miss you Pooh Bear with all of my heart..... Your Crazy Lady (MOM)






16 yrs ago @ 6:12 am I had the most beautiful baby girl ever.. Bald head but the most beautiful Blue eyes I have ever seen. She had all ten fingers and toes. she would play peek a boo with you from the start. She was perfect in every way. As yrs went by she grew into the prettiest almost grown woman. Yes she was only 15 but she had the whole world in her hands waiting to see what she could had become. Her life was taken only 2 months ago cut short... Not to get what she wanted from life.... She is now in heaven with her lil sister Kera. She is in Gods hands now. Happy Birthday Charli Rae Gore I will always love and cherish every minute God let us have. I struggle every day your not here. I know that God had a good reason why he took you home, but why did he have to take you so soon. You will always be in my heart for you was my first child. My look a like.....  I love you so very much......


 These are just a few letters I have written to Charli since her Death. Just thoughts I was feeling and needed to say to her.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I have writing them....